When I was younger, my best friend went out with the love of my life. I was 11. And that experience ruined me emotionally. Even though I didn't give any hints to either of them about my real feelings, and that those feelings only really surfaced after they started going out, I still felt profoundly betrayed.
Because of my "best friend" fucking me over I don't feel comfortable opening myself up and extending my emotions.
In the past couple of years I have attempted relationships. I really have. But it hurts so bad when I see the same thing happen all over again...my newer best friend gets buddy buddy with the girl I love and I am blocked out of her life. She gets other boyfriends and I try to show her how much I love her. I really fucking tried. That guy was no good...I was trying to help when I brought that knife. He deserved a good stabbing. Not that he got one...I just wanted to look manly in front of her.
I pretty much gave up on her - let's call her "J" - a few months ago, and have since moved onto her friend. I think she's different...she actually sees past my semi-autistic features to my personality. I even went to the school ball with her. She kinda ignored me the whole night and flinched every time I tried to dance with her or speak to her, but it still shows progress right? Let's call *her* "K".
Some inferior woman-thing tried seducing me. She tried to distract me from my real love. We dated for a couple weeks, kinda, but only because I was so messed up at the time and didn't know what I really wanted. I broke up with her though because I can't really handle anything right now. My life is pretty intense at the moment. Maybe things will get better when I move to the city.
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November '09 poster of the month.
"Jiu-Jitsu is like a philosophy. It helps me learn how to face life."-Rickson Gracie
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